From a woman’s perspective, it is an ego boost when a younger guy “hits” on you. It’s been written, that the passion of younger men are better suited to that of older women and yes there is so much more energy and enjoyment to be found between the sheets. Trust me. But then, to be honest, I’ve not had the pleasure of being with an older man, so who really knows?
My hubby is 13 years younger. We did not intend to become a couple. He was definitely not looking at me in that way, nor I him. We were co-workers. He, worked for my ex husband, truth be told. My Hubby Then was all work and no play. My Hubby Now, was always doing something. He loved the outdoors and mountain climbing, skiing and riding bikes. I did none of those things because Hubby Then, thought I needed to only do “mom/wife” things, cook, clean and help out at our business. I was in my early 40’s at the time. I still wanted to play.
I finally talked Hubby Then to let me learn to ski and I got a bicycle, (for Pete’s sake, we owned a bicycle business, how could I not own a bike?) but forget anything else. Can you imagine having to beg someone to do things? I still wanted to learn to rock climb though and it was just killing me. Especially, when Hubby Now would come back from his trips and share all his adventures. I was envious, but for sure that was out. Let me point out something else here. Let me also point out and clarify that age is not the reason Hubby Then was how he was, because he was 10 years younger than I, so it wasn’t an age thing, but a power/dominance thing. Perhaps because of our age difference, he felt he had to exert his “alpha-ness”.
“Hubby Then” liked “Hubby Now” then and gave in to letting me do a few things with him, like… help him shop for a house and later help him pick out stuff for his new house. Woman things. Hubby Now and I became best friends and that’s all it was for a long time. Then one day it changed. I told Hubby Then that I thought I was growing fond of Hubby now and he poo-poo’d it. I quit working at the business by my choice and eventually divorced Hubby Then. No one wants their feelings trivialized or ignored.
A year later, at a mutual friend’s house, I ran into Hubby Now and we discussed the ridiculousness of our attraction for one another, age not being the main thing and eventually started dating, but not until he went to the ex and asked if that would be a problem, especially since they still worked together. It wasn’t. We have little in common other than we like each other. We don’t share the same music, but he’s getting to like mine and I tolerate his (he used to be in a punk rock or is it hard rock(?) band which still exists) and much of the activities we used to do, we have stopped doing to the degree we did them. Sex is still a perk and life with him can still be an adventure and well, we just get along.
The downside of our age gap are many. At times, he seems so immature and I ache to be with someone my age. That can be true of any sex at any age. There’s also the broad cultural base I came from and his limited tastes that we are working through. As a former flight attendant, I had a love for travel, education, culinary tastes, the arts and so much more. His life was pretty basic and has always been limited to his bicycle, his style music and the sports he enjoyed when he was younger but has little desire for anymore, especially my favorite, rock climbing. Foreign travel has been unappealing and well foreign to him. Then he will surprise me with the help of his mom and treat me to a sunset wine cruise on a sailboat.
We moved from Colorado to Alabama and now California. We no longer ski, but still hike and he rides his bike. I no longer bicycle here, not since I was run off the road and got a head concussion. Traffic is too intense here, so at my age, I won’t risk it. I am still adventurous and will be taking my first leap from an airplane, any day now. He will watch. That has to be posted, of course. Even though his mother is extremely well educated, she never taught him anything, but that’s another story. He is learning though.
One of the downsides is that Hubby Now still needs to work. I’m retired, so that means putting any travel plans on hold until he is able. My friends are all gallivanting around and I must wait. I sometimes worry, I might not be able to keep up when he’s free to go. I know I’m hardy, but it is still scary because there’s no one I’d love to travel with more. He’s fun to travel with. He likes looking for the out of the way, unknown places, especially in the U.S. He’s not as open to foreign travel…yet but I think he’s warming up to it, especially since I made friends with a young lady from France and she stayed with us awhile.
Our energy levels are slightly different and I think I’m stronger than he, at times. (It must be the sex.) BTW, I have no clue how I got red lettering up above, I noticed I’d misspelled chauvinistic and when I corrected it, everything in that paragraph turned red, except the corrected word. Ooops! When I posted, the red didn’t show up, so now I need to fix it somehow. Well, it bleeped it all. I guess it wasn’t important.
Anyway, back on track here. Back to the good thing, is that we still have the friend and lover bond in tact. We can talk about our differences and he is seeing that he does need to broaden his perspectives. Thank goodness his mom is on board with that too. Fortunately, she likes the arts as well, so he’s seeing it’s importance. Right now, she and I go to events together, but on occasion, he too will buy tickets to this or another and share it with me, though it’s rare. One wonderful and humiliating things he does for me, when I dare to have him look at something I’ve written, is proofread. He is the best. So, if this is less than perfect, it’s because he didn’t see it. LOL
I’m into movies and such and he’s not, but I got him to run lines with me the other day to help my daughter with an audition she was prepping for and he loved doing it. (Yes, that’s my daughter, she likes being the tough “guy”) My daughter Marco Polo’d me that it sounded like he was having fun and it did. It’s not just him that has had to make changes. I do things with him I don’t care for as well. The main thing with big gap marriages or any marriage or relationship for that matter, is that for them to work you must be flexible and communicate. Without communication, it can all go to hell.