lessons

What is Christmas?

It is something to consider when the focus off and on for some waivers between gift giving and receiving.

The most memorable Christmas I can recall and one I’ll never forget, was one I had with my sister not that long ago.

I know everywhere around the world, somewhere, there are people celebrating Christmas. What a joyous time of year it can be.

WHAT IS THE WHY?

With it having become so commercialized, we all struggle with having to remind ourselves of what it’s really about. It is a time to be reminded that over 2000 years ago we were given the best gift ever, the promise of a new King, our redeemer, Jesus Christ.

It wasn’t a baby Jesus that would bring about our redemption, but the grown up Jesus fulfilling a promise to His Father that would change our lives. But lest we forget, it had to start somewhere. Though the exact date is unknown, his humble birth came around the time we now refer to as Christmas. He was our gift first with a promise.

Do we remember?

CHILDREN AND GIFTS –

I’ve read many posts that remind us that it isn’t the gifts that make Christmas. Is that what we are teaching our children? How do they see Christmas?

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Is it a tree with lots of sparkly lights or the presents under it?

I remember one year I took three gifts for each of my grand daughters to my daughters house for Christmas. It would be the one and only time we would celebrate with her in laws. As I came through the door, my grand daughters came running up to me and gave me an immense hug and said, “I love you grandma Jo!” We placed our gifts under the tree to open later, for when the other grandparents arrived. They were late and of course, the girls were getting antsy waiting for them to show.

After some time, their father relented because well, it was Christmas morning!!

Excited, the girls opened our gifts first. The oldest got a Barbie, a coloring book and crayons. The younger one an age appropriate gift. My boys were still young at the time and I’m guessing they probably got Z-bots or Transformers, since that was the rage at the time. (There was 12 years difference between my girls and my two boys.)

They thanked us and gave us each a big, warm hug.

Just about then, the other grandma shows up and the girls rush over and say, “What did you get us?!” Not hello, or Hi grandma, just “what did you get us?”. Grandma is followed in by Grandpa, who is loaded up with a boatload of gifts, making several trips and I’m not exagerating. The grandma says, “This is only part of them, the rest are at our house under the tree for when you come over later.

The girls then proceed to tear into their gifts excited at first, but after the first two Barbies and/or outfits, package after package is ripped open and the item thrown to one side as they moved on to the next one, barely looking at any of them. My boys just stared in shocked amazement. Besides dresses and other girlie things, there was a total of 13 Barbies for each grand daughter. Yes, thirteen! They were barely six and three years old and as she said, that wasn’t all the gifts!

I was nauseous. How would my grand daughters ever learn to appreciate anything much less the reason for the holiday? That was the last Christmas we attended with the other grandparents. We would from then on take turns for either Christmas day or Christmas eve.

LESSON LEARNED –

My boys are now grown and so are the grand daughters. My one son has a family now and last year we visited them in Texas. It was February and I noticed several Christmas gifts still wrapped on the window ledge. I looked at him quizzically.

He said, “Mom, they got way too many gifts last year. I didn’t want them to do like the girls and not have a sense of gratitude. We let them open a few gifts at Christmas and save the rest for later. It is their reward for extra good behavior (he smiles), it’ll be awhile.” Smart man. Remember, this is February and there were still several unopened gifts, I can’t imagine how many they started out with. Thankfully, that Christmas many years ago had left it’s mark.

CHRISTMAS OR NOT CHRISTMAS –

Because it has become so popular and commercialized, there are people who don’t even believe in Christ that will celebrate Christmas or some semblance of Christmas. Does it matter? To some Christians, it probably does. For others, it only strengthens their resolve to stay focused on what it really means.

My mother in law, for example, claims to be an atheist and celebrates with lights (no tree) the winter solstice. I know she’s not alone in this, I’ve heard others make the same claim. She is quick to remind me that for her, it is the winter solstice. I could make a big fuss and lose the relationship we have and never get a chance to “win her without a word” but I choose not to. For now, it is what it is. She’s a good person and a good mother in law and in time, who knows? I can only hope, by my example, that one day she will come to believe.

SOMETHING IN COMMON

One of the things I found interesting is that she and my sister who is a Christian, have a commonality when it comes to gift giving. They give from the heart.

IT’S ALL ABOUT THE HEART-

One of the best Christmases I ever had, was one I celebrated with my sister while living in Alabama. I’d moved there with my hubby to take care of my aging parents who were no longer married to each other and living in separate homes. Actually, mother was in a facility for a short time in Tennessee until I could bring her down after my step fathers demise. At times, it had gotten to be too much for me with mother’s Alzheimer’s and dad with cancer. I was going back and forth handling both their financial and medical needs, still working and going crazy doing it. Di and I were in contact regularly during this time and I guess I was sounding pretty wore out. She says, “Jo, if you need me to come, I will.”

I didn’t want to put her out. She was single and her sole source of support. I couldn’t promise her a rose garden (or maybe it was, thorns and all) and it meant she’d be giving up her established job to help me. Each time she asked, I hemmed and hawed until one day, I realized I wasn’t “Supergirl” and said, “Yes, I need you.”

She packed up and quit her job, leaving sunny Florida for northern Alabama in what felt like one week!

She took the day time shift and I would do nights. Hers was more difficult. The estate would pay her some, according to what the courts would allow. It wasn’t much but she was okay with that.After paying the bills she brought with her, there wasn’t much left over plus she had no time to spend it anyway. Needless to say, that Christmas, money was tight.

I had bought her a scarf, a warm hat and gloves because Alabama can get cold. Even though it’s “south”, it isn’t Florida.

I opened my gift in a decorated brown paper bag. In it was a couple of pencils, a handmade card and an orange. I cried. It was the best gift ever!!! It was so “Little House on the Prairie”ish (if you’ve read the books, you’d understand). My heart overflowed and she was delighted. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

So what is Christmas? I see it as a continued opportunity to share our love. It’s a reminder of the greatest gift of all.

It is giving to others with the same unselfish love that was first shown us. The love God showed when he sent his son to us. The self sacrificing love Christ showed in giving up his life so that we might live.

Christmas is about giving of self, giving when we think we have nothing to give. Teaching our children that the best gifts are those that come from the heart.

LOVE COVERS ALL

Di’s coming to help saved my life. I had a mini stroke shortly after she arrived. It may have been a release from the stress I’d kept bottled up those three years trying to do it alone. Perhaps her being there allowed me to collapse, knowing she would take the reins until I was better. Together, we got through it and when one of us was down, the other would lift her up and so it went until both parents passed. There is no greater love than the love that causes someone to pitch in when they have little more to give.

CALIFORNIA to FLORIDA

I’m in California and she is back in Florida now and it hasn’t been easy for her. At our age getting reestablished can be tough, but her kid’s and grand kid’s are there and that means the world to her. They shared her with me for awhile and even though I’d love to have her here, I know how much it means to have your kids close by. I miss my kids and grands and Christmases with them with all of us in four different states and none of us that close. At least she gets to see her kids regularly.

What can I say? The love I have for my baby sister is abounding and I miss her. I love you sis and I thank God for giving you to me!!!

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Di at the Art Festival

That’s us in costume. Di may be shy but it was she that talked me into belly dancing after mom died. Oh what fun we had. We made and accessorized all our costumes with yard sale material and gems (of course). Later, I would follow and support her in her art. Art was an outlet that came out of her stress. She began using pen and crayon to entertain mother. Her first few were on scraps of paper, but I was so impressed with her work that I framed some and the next thing you know we’re doing art shows. We are a team.

I am including two links that I’d love for you to visit.

http://dbeattycrayonart.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2012-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2013-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=6

The above has her version of our story with mother. Keep in mind, our stories may vary slightly. She wrote hers closer to the actual event, whereas mine is by memory which is now six years past.

I highly recommend her book “The Importance of Thomas”. It is a heart warming story about a small kitten that came into our lives on Christmas Day and his role during an unusually hard time for us. Now available through Amazon.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Importance-Thomas-Diana-Beatty/dp/1498450393

Thanks for following and a heartfelt and MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

Have you ever wanted to beat yourself up over something you did that is so unlike you but that comes out at an inopportune time?

It’s not that it’s never happened before, but that it happens from time to time in stupid ways really bugs me, especially when it’s in front of someone I want to impress.

I remember the time I met Bill Murray. Bill was filming the movie that would later be called “Larger Than Life” (which he is or was), the working title being “Nickle and Dime(s).

I was working for a talent agency in Colorado at the time and we were in charge of filling the request for extra’s of Native American descent and because of the shortage of NA’s, some Hispanics were used. I was not there for the entire filming. I had studied acting for years so my job had been to coach the young actors that were later selected and not actually be in the film. Besides I was told they didn’t need anyone my age. However for the last day, my boss asked me to dye my hair black, so I could pass for NA since they needed more for a particular scene, so I did.

Needless to say, I was terribly excited at going on my first movie set. As usual, there’s a lot of waiting and because it was out in the desert, I could wander around. I met the cinematographer, who was from Italy. Very nice. then I met the guy in charge of all the technical stuff. It was amazing. He took me around the set and showed me how everything worked. (If you know film, you know that things are not as simple as they appear.) He had evidently been in the business a very long time and he described different aspects and jobs of movie making. I was enthralled by it all. I guess I must have appeared to him like a wide eyed child because when we parted, he smiled and said “You’ll be back!” He was right. I was in love. I didn’t know how or what my niche would be, but I had it bad.

In case you’re wondering, at the time this transpired, I was over the hill for the usual acting jobs that came around. I was considered old when I attended the American Academy of Dramatic Arts briefly for their summer program at the age of 50, yet they accepted me for the program. So even though I was no spring chicken, I’ve never looked my age. Good genes make me look way younger than my years. When I was a kid I’d had my chance briefly to be in show business, but life got in the way and I had pretty much laid my dreams to rest, now they were sparking again but I digress. I’ll save that story for another time, since I’ve strayed from my subject. Still, I wanted to be a part of the business, I knew that.

So here I was, way out in the desert of Moab, Utah. All the extra’s had talked madly about what a wonderful and pleasant guy Bill was. They said, he was friendly, would sit and banter amicably with them and all this stuff. So when I got in line for an autographed picture of him, on a rail car with an elephant behind him, I was expecting “Mr. Congeniality”.

Well, he isn’t a smiling type, at least not with me. He only took my picture and asked my name. I gave it to him and by this time I was terrified. Yes, a grown woman, terrified and I started babbling trying to make conversation. I have no idea what I said, but he winced and that made it worse. I kept wanting to put a zipper on my mouth but it just kept spewing. I don’t know who was more uneasy, me or him. Finally, I walked away, chagrined that it hadn’t gone better. I wanted to be his friend. Well, at least I wanted to see this convivial person everyone had been talking about. So, I asked myself, “Did I come off like I was hitting on him?” Oh my God! That’s it!

Nothing could have been further from the truth of course. Either way. At first I felt bad, then I got angry, because if that was it, then that was an arrogant assumption. But how would he know otherwise? I’m his age and attractive. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I’m sure family men in his line of work and stature must stay guarded. But, I never forgave myself for the misstep.

Well, I did it again and again. Not with movie people necessarily but people with titles. Stupidity looms up from time to time. I have a friend, well even my daughter who’s an actress says, “they’re just people mom!”

But I say, it’s not my fault. Really. I grew up being told that “Children Should Be Seen and Not Heard!” Sadly, we were never allowed to interact with adults or engage in any type of adult conversation. In fact, any one of authority was addressed with deference. Here I am of age and I still regress from time to time. If someone had power to help or slay me, I fall apart.

It happened this past weekend. I got snubbed. I think it may have been in part because the speaker said from the onset that everything counts for something. That we all make judgement calls the minute we see someone. So, how we dress and how we look IS important. First impressions count. He said that even he made a judgement about individuals the minute they walked in the room. (He was looking straight at me when he said it). Like Bill, he was not a smiler. So, it was hard to “know” him.

He talked about doing your due diligence before meeting someone you knew you would meet and I thought DAMN! I forgot to look him up, his background. Could he see that on my face? At break, I pulled up his stats, but it wasn’t enough for me.

As it was I had not slept much the night before, nervous about meeting people in the business and what do I say? Did I have any screenplays ready should I meet someone who would ask or want to see my work? So, I didn’t have hard copies, but I had them on a zip drive and since so many carry laptops with them anymore, I could download a PDF copy if they wanted one. Also, the ones I have on there were already registered, so that was good too! It was a last minute decision to go anyway so it was all good. Nothing to worry about, I told myself.

Still I worried. This is not like me. I had pins and needles all up my legs and I kept jiggling them to still the sensation, so I could get some sleep. I had just started working out with a personal trainer this past week. She asked me how I sleep. I told her I sleep hard generally. Was that it? All that stimulation has got my circulation going. It was no wonder I couldn’t sleep. I had a two hour drive to get there, but being LA, I would give myself an extra hour to offset accident delays on the road etc. So the alarm is set for 5 am, but I didn’t get to bed until 2:30 or was it 3? Do I even bother trying to sleep, sometimes that makes me tireder? No excuses! In this business, there are no acceptable excuses. The show must go on!

So when I went up for him to sign his book, I jabbered. I sunk into “the hole” I dug once before. It seemed like a hole because I noticed that with everyone else he asked, what do you do? He didn’t ask me. Me, I had to make conversation and it was horrid, he responded tersely, not amicably nor did he ask questions back like he did the others before me. It was like, “Next!”. I knew I was dressed well. I bathed before going. What was it?

For two days I stewed about whether this was for me. Can I survive? I know there will be more people like that, but it obviously would not be them I’d be working with. The self talk was incessant. I didn’t have this problem at the pitch fest and everyone I spoke with loved my pitch. So why this time? Then I remembered that one of my dearest friends in Hollywood was someone I had had a rough start with. We eventually became fast friends and when I moved back to California, she demanded she be the first person I would call and visit and she was.

What I do know is I need to get back in there and not give up. I’ve got a lot going against me and age is the biggie and everyone tells you that. What has stood out and is certainly relevant to me is, if something gives you trouble, keep putting yourself out there until it’s no longer a problem. What I have going for me is the texture and color I can bring into my work that comes from life’s experiences. So, here I go again. I’m going to another workshop with people in the business and let’s hope I do better this time.

As they say in Italian, salute! Cheers!