Why So Many Homeless?

A great line from the cartoon Yogi Bear comes to mind. “DON’T FEED THE BEARS!” You feed them, they won’t forage for themselves.

I don’t like to get political, mostly because I’m a horrible debater.  I can’t come up with quick, witty, “smart” comebacks, so I avoid confrontation like a plague. So what comes next is not intended to spark ire or dissent from any of my followers. I am one of those that is registered non partisan.  I WANT to vote for the person not their party.  That’s not always easy, because parties have “leanings”.

What got me going on the homelessness issue is that we have a lot of them in our area and it has become a major problem.  So much so that a FB Web page was created to vent and possibly find solutions to the problem.  Mostly to point out problem areas and…. vent.  Then, a friend of mine asked me to help her film a video featuring the homeless issues in our area.  Our goal is to find out who these people are and what is being done to alleviate their problem.  I skimmed on some of these points in my blog, Senseless deaths.  And, here’s the teaser… “in interviewing some of these folks, I made an interesting discovery …” but,   I’d be giving away too much if I say more. I won’t spill the beans.

In all this, my curiosity was peaked. I wanted to know more.  So, I began my research.  What follows is based on that and my own conclusions.

My research took me to website after website with statistics.  (I’m only sharing the one) What was interesting to me is that the majority of states with the highest number of homelessness are also states, with the exception of one, who vote primarily Democrat and are majorly “liberal”.  Yup!  It’s true.

Keep in mind, they did not break it down as such. It was just something that caught my attention.  Is it political?

Since liberals tend to dominate these states and are big into their causes, they are also states that offer the most services. In other words “HANDOUTS”.

This is how I feel about handouts.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 “For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat.”

Proverbs 13:4 : “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.”

The Bible is not the only place this is found.

Qur’an 13:11 Allah spoke that Allah would not change the destiny of a tribe(anyone) if they do not try hard to change it themselves. (This was the best I could find)

____

Do these folks, passionate about their causes, know exactly what they are doing? Possibly.  Maybe not. I’m sure the government does. Notice, I said “government”, not any one political entity.

PONDER THIS:  If they (the powers that be) keep the people poor and dependent then they become more pliable to whatever future purpose and they remain controllable. Nothing new here. It has been that way since time immemorial. Isn’t that how it is in third world countries? Yet… Why is it some of the people from those countries are breaking free of that cycle?  We, in this country used to have a very comfortable middle class, but that is disappearing. Why?

So how does this work?

Liberals are by and large educated people who can eloquently dictate to the poor people how to think. They make a lot of noise to push their way of thinking out in the forefront and they are very good at it.  One message constantly being force fed to the public is that Rich American’s are getting “rich” on the backs of the poor. Rich Americans are why they are where they are.  So they create this divide and festering angst against the rich or really anyone who is the power figure. What few people realize or take into account is that many of these same folks are also very rich.  Those in the entertainment field are the best examples.  They make their money dissing “corporate America” and playing up “the little guy” who has to go head to head with the “big guy”.  They create dramas all around the poor and the oppressed and victories over the “bosses, the power hungry billionaire tycoon of big corporations, who are evil and nasty.”  Some are, but I’ve met many an evil, oppressive “little guy/gal” in the work place as well.

Please know this,  I am not wealthy.  I did not retire on a fat pension.  I am 70 plus and guess what I still work. Heck, I drive for Uber and Lyft, (and I write) but that’s another story.

What people don’t realize is that, all this help and those wonderful programs is the equivalent of nothing more than “horse hobbling“.  The end goal is to keep people subservient. Horse hobbling limits their forward locomotion. Yes, let’s feed the children and do everything else for them,  kill their drive, so they never rise above doing what’s best for themselves. Yes, it is our Christian duty to help those needing help.  I’m sure other faiths have an equal thought on this as well.  This country, no this world was founded on survivors. You do or you die.

I’m not saying we don’t want to help people.  Heavens no.  The Bible has countless verses that tell us to feed our widows and orphans.

James 2:14-17 states:  “What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.”

Psalms 82:3 : Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.

Despite the tendency to believe Islam violent, the Qur’an and especially the hadith highlight how helping another human being is a fundamental aspect of Islam.

So do we help?  YES!  Absolutely. But we must consider to what end or to what extent.

Notice the Bible constantly refers to the “widows and orphans” and in some places the “elderly” .  We have a responsibility to help those who cannot, not will not help themselves.

So, my point is to get people to rise above their situations.  Life can get us all down.  I’ve been down enough to want to find a remote place and disappear to.  When I watch the news sometimes, I get so discouraged at how people treat each other, the crazy things they do to one another, that I’ll shout out “Stop the world, I want to get off!”.

Without disclosing what some of my interviewees have said, but based on that, giving up is not the answer.  

BUT,  for all I said about the liberals, the one thing we can all agree on, is that we have to  find ways of showing them love and getting them the help they need without enlarging the problem and that is the hard part.

Do’s and Don’ts –

Do’s

BE Kind

If you have time, talk to them, if only to say hello.  They are not invisible.  This lady on the right was fascinating.

No two people’s story is the same.V. Maria

If you know where the nearest outreach program is or if your church has one, let them know where that is. Carrying a list or card with that information on it to hand out, gives you something to share. Doing this lets them know you care.

Don’ts

Warning:  Be smart. Don’t go into places to find them, some are hardened criminals, ex-cons or drug dealers and could be dangerous.

Don’t give them unopened bags of food for their dog – it could be a sympathy ploy. They’ll return it to the store for cash for drugs.  Seen it happen.

Don’t give money-  I know it’s hard to resist sometimes, but one guy told my husband how much he made panhandling and it was more than hubby makes in a day doing legitimate work. Don’t think that wasn’t discouraging.

Money goes to booze and drugs.  If they need medication or health care, there are state programs that give that to them for free,  if they will go and get it. I know, I know nothing is truly free, but at the taxpayers expense free.

If they truly want help, they know where all these services are anyway. Food

Many of these folks already collect food stamps and social security or financial assistance of some sort.  Many have phones, courtesy of family and friends that want them to stay connected but have given up on rehabilitating them.  Some even have computers they can use at pretty much any coffee shop, library or restaurant.

There are college students and young people who are homeless.  Yes, that’s true. I don’t have documentation or interviews on them… yet.  When I do, it will be posted.

For some it’s a temporary situation.

All in all, if nothing else, I hope I’ve given you some pondering fodder.

P.S. This is some of the garbage the homeless have left behind my home, which was one of the things, the above lady talks about in our interview.  The main thing, is be kind.

Trash

Matthew chapter 25, 34-46

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink?  When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you?  When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply,
Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
“Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink,  I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
“He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.

 

 

 

 

 

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Us Time in Dallas

When I went to visit my son, I had not expected to get a free day to be with just him.  Thanks to my daughter in law who thought we might like that, we got that.

Having time alone hadn’t happened since I don’t remember when. It’s been rare for us in any case, because once he got into and then out and since the Marines, he’s been all over the place. He first off went to Florida then to Lubbock for school. Then he met his wife, had children, started fostering and well, it’s been crazy. Prior to that was high school and sports, so without knowing it you realize it’s been a long time since one on one time.

Whew!  So here we are and what to do?  Well, that was easy.  We went to Dallas.  It turned out to be a very nice day. The weather was in our favor despite it’s fickleness everywhere this year.  I still carried my umbrella to our first stop, but didn’t need it. After the first few threatening moments, it cleared up. Still a little nippy at first.

Our first stop was Starbucks, a picture in front of the Kennedy memorial and Plaque and then the Red Museum, which tells the early history of Dallas, including the good, the bad and the ugly and slightly sanitized.

Well, let me tell you. Ry and I are the kind of the people that don’t just go in and out of a museum.  The guy at the front desk told us it would probably take an hour.  We were there over two.  We read and study everything.  That’s what we do.  As we left we chuckled about it.

When the kids were small, I had yearly passes to the San Diego Zoo.  It was perfect for us. We could take each visit, one section at a time and enjoy it.  It didn’t matter how many times we went, we still lingered.

The history of Dallas is complex and involved. It was apparent that in it’s day, there were controlling and omniscient powers that dominated the area. This exhibit covers those early days and the evolution of it’s early inhabitants, foundation, it’s railroads, entrepreneurs, politics, music and many other interesting facts including some prehistory.  Pretty neat.

We had lunch at Ellens’ which was awesome and everywhere we went we fought over who would pick up the tab.

Our next stop was, of course, the Kennedy Museum.  If you think we spent a long time at the Red Museum, you should have seen us here.  First of all they give you these earphone thingy’s that narrate step by step the chain of events, but in addition to that there are through it all, things written and photos that give you the backstory of the Kennedy’s plus also take you step by step to the assassination. Fortunately for us, we could stop the audio and do further perusals of our own.

Jack

We analyzed the spot where Oswald  shot President Kennedy from.  I say supposedly, because no matter how long I looked at it, it made no sense to me. I understand why there has been speculation on this.   I’ll explain. Take a look see.

Picture one shows where Oswald was situated when he took the shot.  Picture two is where he took the first shot.  In fact, by the second shot Kennedy’s vehicle was almost to the bridge. Keep in mind, the trees were small in those days.

shot2

Green vs red.  So why did he take the far shot instead of the near shot? or, better yet when the car was rounding the corner? Perch

You can see the angle they focus on (see no trees?) but once you’re in the building you can see so many easier possibilities. Those are far distances.  I want to know the why.

Well, you can imagine why it took us so long there.  If you’ve never been, check it out. It is fascinating and perplexing.  Has anyone else noticed that too?

After we were done there, we went to his favorite fishing spots.  My boy likes to fish and that’s an understatement. For his birthday Candace bought him a canoe (or kayak?) so he could go further out.  I got him a life vest and my brother and I included a gift certificate from Outdoor World, so he could outfit it with whatever else he might need.

My brother in San Antonio would come out two days later to make Ry’s day even better.

Our last shot of the day was a reflection of a beautiful day and special moment with a great guy and my son.Lake

Til next MARCH! Proud of you son.

Fostering in Love

Being a foster parent is quite time consuming, with constant challenges.  It is not for the faint of heart. The children they get have their own set of problems because of their previous environment or the situation they were taken out of, be it abuse, drugs, neglect or any number of other things and there are far too many of them.  One needs to be patient, flexible and have hearts full of love while still taking care of the needs of their own children as well.

I recently spent a week with my son and family in the Dallas area in March.

The kid’s of course surrounded me and lead me to all their handiwork, so that I understood… Welcome

There were also little signs for where my stuff goes and where I would stay.  It was one of the best times I’ve spent with them. There is so much love in this household, you could burst.

Then, I got to share my space  with Piglet or perhaps I should say, he had the honor,  reluctantly, of sharing his space with me.  Piglet was a most gracious host and was kind enough to not snore or smell bad. You can see him snubbing my son here.  Had I had my video going, the scene that followed after our first night together and him refusing to go back to his room was like a scene out of comedy capers.  He got over it. By the end of my visit, we were conversing like best  pals.  Yes, he talks…snort of.

Granted, my primary goal was to get as much quality time with those youngsters as I possibly could in one week and we sure did. With spring break on, we were free of school schedules so had lots of time to do things. The children were more fun now because they are older and far more interesting to me as I was to them.  They competed daily for my attention.

Their new little foster child will be headed home soon, but in the meantime, she’s just one of the bunch.  I cannot share stories, but I can share you what this foster family’s home is like.  Every child deserves to get what they get here. L O V E

Because of their responsibilities, their travel-ability is restricted and unfortunately I don’t get out that way nearly as often as I would like to.  We do, however, Marco Polo regularly so the tots don’t forget they have this other grandma way out in California. Right now, they only have one foster child in their home but that varies.

In their short marriage, they have fostered 12 children, of which they’ve adopted one and had two during that time.

It can sometimes be heartbreaking letting the little ones go, but they hope that however short their time may be with them, that they will have impacted their lives positively.  Each of them has a place in their hearts and on their wall.

I know the latest one is going to be a toughy to give up.  Do you think Ry likes her?

On occasion, the parent or whoever gets the child in the end will come back to complement them for their good work with their child.  Parent’s on occasion will express how much they hope they too will one day be able to parent as well. One parent lets them have monthly visits and that’s always special to them.

Sadly, not all children go back to the parent.  Sometimes they get split up in the end, either going to different relatives who feel they cannot handle them all or to separate “homes”, which always hurts.

I think I wrote about Antoine in an earlier post.  He was not their first foster but he is their first adoption. He’s a hoot and only recently realized he was black. A little girl pointed it out to him one day and told him how he’s different than his siblings. She was black.  So understandably he asked about it and they explained. They reassured him he is still their child and will always be loved. He was about 1 1/2 when he first came to them. He is now six.

We attempted to, at one point, go to the zoo, but it being spring break and like everyone else in this country having suffered unusual weather, everyone and their brother had the same idea to take advantage of the beautiful weather we were blessed with.  Because we would have had to walk a mile just to get in, not to mention all the walking you do once in and then walking tired youngun’s back to the car (no shuttles!), we adults vetoed that event.  So instead, we went to Crayola land!

crayolaland

We also got to see how they made Crayolas and got one each in our favorite color with our names on it. Did you know they can make 5,000 Crayons in 6 minutes? It was actually quite fascinating. The downside here was there were so many little ones and adults running around, it was all I could do to keep track of the ones in my charge. Not to be negative, but child populated places are prime targets for abductions.

My daughter in law is a school teacher and her specialty is special ed. She at one time had her own classroom but is now  training teachers on how to work with special needs students. Even though she can put in long hours, she comes home to give each of these kids her undivided attention up until bedtime, which is fortunately at 7.

MaggieM loved the doll I got her.  It is a china doll, which is breakable and she took it everywhere with her, even to bed. The doll had been on my shelf for years.  Cute, cute.

the doll

I knew Hunter loved puzzles, but I guess the one I got him was too complex, but we took it apart anyway.  They both love super heroes, so I got them some super hero things. The two boys are two months apart.  So, it’s like having twins.

Hunter as I’ve mentioned before has autism and attends public school with his brother, By parental request, they are in separate classrooms.  If I understood correctly, it was so they could rely less on each other.  As it is their two classes came together one day and the two boys zeroed in on each other and began wrestling roughly with one another, as is their norm, much to the alarm of the teachers.  ooops!  Hunter’s teacher later expressed her gratitude for them having made that choice.  LOL

Hunter and Antoine enjoy sports. Antoine loves cars and trucks. Hunter loves puzzles and dinosaurs. When he was younger, his form of communication was a growl. So learning to speak and motor skills were learned at a slower pace.  He is fortunate to have parents with the skills to aid in that development, although Candace gives credit to his many other teachers and therapists.  I think he’s perfectly fine now and quite verbal. Hunter Draws April 2019

He also likes to draw and so it’s quite apropos that this chalk drawing would be of his favorite animal.  Quite good for only six, don’t you think?

They have camp out night once a week and each child snuggled up at days end for the night.

campout - Copy

On each child’s bedroom door are little hearts, where positive affirmations from each other are regularly posted. They are encouraged to encourage one another.

This household has a motto as you enter the front door that goes like this. Motto - Copy

And, in case you don’t know what it says next to loud… it reads “really well” in swirls.

As I’m getting ready to leave, Hunter asks me, when I will be returning.  I replied, “I don’t know.”  He knew though.

He says, “March”.

“But, it’s March right now.”

That meant one of three things, I either don’t leave or I turn around and come right back or I just come back next year, same time.

Next stop:  My “me time” with my son.

Senseless Deaths

I have recently had two deaths in the family.  I am still working through them, but not for the reasons you might think.

Yes, I am sorry they are gone, but I’ve accepted that already. I cried a little but my grief is mixed with anger, so I know I will eventually have to work through that.

One I will miss terribly.  The other, I will always wonder how I could have made a bigger difference in his life.

Death number 1:

The first death was my cousin’s.  My cousin was fantabulous.  I didn’t grow up with him.  I babysat him. He was considerably younger and so I never really was around when he was a teen or growing up.

The visits to our Mexican side of the family had been few and far between, by then I was a mom and responsible parent.  My young cousins seemed wild and we all worried and wondered if they belonged to gangs. One visit in particular, I remembered seeing gunshot holes in a straight line along all the cars across the street from their house.  My aunt and uncle moved from there shortly thereafter wanting to get the kids to a better neighborhood. Given the circumstances of his death, my brother’s response to the news is, how grateful he is, we didn’t grow up in that environment. Mother kept us away.  Mother may not have been quite sane, but she still had a mother’s protective instinct. I thought for a long time she was ashamed of her family, but perhaps not.

Still, they are family and for that reason, I’ve since tried to get to know them better.

For 30 years, I lived out of state and hadn’t seen them in quite a long time even though I stayed in touch by phone and mostly just with my aunt, their mother.  When I returned four years ago, I started visiting them again.  All grown up now, “RA” (not his real name) and I became buddies.  During my time away, he’d had four kids and they’d had kids. He was no longer with either of their mothers and now lived next door to my aunt, his mom.

On m first visit, I drove up in my “dirty” car.  I’d just washed it either a couple of days before or the day before.  He insisted, he’d detail it.  In short order he had all his buddies washing and buffing every inch of it.  Before long it looked brand new!!!  I didn’t realize that washing alone doesn’t cut it. A good waxing and buffing makes a world of difference!  Spit spot.

I offered to give him something for it but he always refused.  When my son got his new, used car, he taught him how to take care of it and when they were done his car now looked spanking new.  That particular time, because he had worked on two of our cars and quite laboriously, I might add, I once again offered him a sizable amount of cash for helping out.  That time he took it.  I think he went to the casino afterwards. I was, of course, disappointed and vowed to not do that again.  Instead, I thought I’d give him something in trade, perhaps.  I’m a first born.

On some afternoons, we would talk and occasionally have a beer together. He was warm and kind. I did get around to asking him if he’d belonged to a gang and he said, No, never.  We would talk about everything and I saw nothing but a good guy.

He was also quite artistic and gifted me a Betty Boop clock that I knew my airline pilot brother would be envious of and he was. Betty Boop

On that first visit, when I was in LA for a screenwriters workshop, I told him of my screenwriting desires.  He had gotten so excited about my screenplays.  It was neat, he looked up to me for all he thought I’d achieved, even though a part of me was so afraid to disappoint. He was interested in what I’d written and even hooked me up with a guy who had once been in law enforcement who might help my research. My story centered on a kidnapping and a woman’s unknown connection to the cartel.  Later he would tell me, “Cuz, don’t do it.”  He was quite serious. I didn’t understand his change of heart, but even though he said it sounded great, he reiterated, “don’t do it”. He said, it was dangerous.  It never made sense to me since lots of writers write about the cartel.  In fact, there are so many cartel stories out there, how would one more make a difference?  I said, it’s fiction after all and my queries were non specific, plus I told him, most everything I had, I got off the internet, the rest was made up. Nevertheless, I let it go because it wasn’t developing the way I wanted it to anyway.  Unfortunately, there was also one about a kidnapping that came out soon after.  Plus that year, so many cartel movies began to surface that I would be hard pressed to sell it anyway, even with revisions.

On my aunts property, she had fruit trees. RA would harvest giant grapefruit and from her tall avocado trees, avocados.  She would sell them to the neighbors or passersby that would stop and ask.  Of course, that was frequent since RA made her a big sign inviting them to buy.   “RA” would also be the one to climb this tall ladder to harvest the fruit so his mom  could sell them for a little cash (like 10 for $1 or so), mostly so they wouldn’t go to waste.  When I was there, I’d hold the ladder for him as he’d tie it and himself in before he’d get to work some 20+ feet up.  Between him and his brother they took good care of his mom and did things for her all the time.

A few weeks ago, he was shot, assassination style.  The news said that, except for his age, 63,  it had all the markings of a gangland “hit”.  But what got me is that it was a story that got snuffed almost immediately. It was weeks before his body would be released to the family.  Am I overstepping my bounds in saying so?  I hope not.

It was around 2 AM.  He was riding his bicycle home, after visiting a “friend”, after said friend called him over.  Was it a set up?  We still have no answers and pictures are sparse for a reason.

At first, I thought perhaps, because I knew he liked to gamble, that maybe he’d gotten in debt with the wrong person.  But that was just a guess.  No one else seemed to have a clue.

I’ve since learned the FBI is investigating.  The FBI?  Hmmmm

The story gets curiouser and curiouser.

Death Number  2 –

Last weekend, we deposited my ex son-in-law’s ashes at sea.  My daughter and granddaughter came out for the services.  She was his first and I believe his only legal wife. His mom, sister and ex football jock friends from high school were there and all his homeless “crew” were there.  The contrast disconcerting.

The homeless sat or stood on one side and the country clubbers on the other.  How did this once good looking guy go astray?

I knew he had an alcohol problem when he married my daughter and I only suspected the drugs.  One time, when I visited them, I had observed him stepping out momentarily with something in his hands and then returning moments later, but I was naive to those matters at the time. Was it a drug deal?

What I didn’t know is that he had once used my daughter, while she was pregnant with our grand daughter as a drug mule. So, his addiction and her love caused them both to make some unwise choices. I never knew.  Drugs and alcohol, for me anyway, have never been a temptation, for which I’m grateful.

We talked them into moving to Colorado to live with us hoping that away from his druggy friends, that he’d kick the habit.  They were there for six or seven months.  We employed him at our bicycle business and kept him busy, but he was miserable.  He didn’t have his drugs, that we knew of, but he still had access to alcohol.

While cleaning one day, I found a stash of alcohol, several bottles of vodka, whiskey or whatever.  I went back to check later and those were gone and several others had taken their place. Where and when was he getting these? One day, I asked him to run to the store for me, so he borrowed my bike and took off.  After more than an hour, I went looking for him on my son’s bike. (the store was nearby) I found him sitting on the bridge, downing cans of beer and tossing the empties into the Colorado River!!!  I took the cans from him and we had a chat.  When the chat was over he hugged me, thanked me and then closed in for a kiss.  I pushed him away and told him, he was drunk and I’m his mother in law, for Pete’s sake!  He was only 21.

I wasn’t angry at him because I recognized only too well that this young man had a serious problem. (My ex had been an alcoholic, but a good natured one such as BAC, (not his name). He was a teddy bear… a gorgeous, handsome, charismatic hunk (at the time).  Women had trouble not forgiving him. Instead of getting angry, they forgive and forgive, which was a disservice to him. Some time later, the kids announced they were moving back to CA. We were not happy.

They got their tax return and he was going to go on ahead, get a place and send for the girls.  We never saw him again.  My daughter, after waiting awhile, learned he had moved in with her former roommate.  She filed a divorce in absentia.  I’m not sure if that’s the correct term.  She would later marry a guy who became the only dad, my grand daughter would recognize as dad.  He and his family love her to pieces.

BAC didn’t show up in her life again until he learned she’d had a son. His mom, sister and brother were always in Becca’s life, so it wasn’t as if he was totally unknown to her, but he wasn’t dad and she’d never met him.  She finally agreed to meet him.  By then, he’d been in and out of prison, lost an eye in a fight and was living on the streets.  He’d stolen from friends, and abused his friendships. He was a mess, but despite that she says philosophically, “he lived life on his terms.”  She doesn’t hate or admire him.

My daughter met his “wife” and she told her that he stayed away as much as possible because, he said regarding his daughter, “she was the only good thing I ever did” and didn’t want to ruin that. She was the only child he would ever have.

Now, here he was, at 48, in a box. (His mom gave permission to use his pic on this blog.)

The program had a picture of him when he was young and the way my daughter remembered him when they first met.  She lost it.  She never expected that hurt to spring up after 26 years.

The homeless people laid out a spread you would not believe, but no one, except the homeless ate anything that they’d prepared. Even then, they didn’t eat until most everyone had left. We drank water and dipped only what our own hands touched.  There was a pork loin (several, in fact) that were on the barbecue, but when I saw this guy slicing it up with his filthy hands… well.

My grand daughter and I made an attempt to talk to them, but discovered that most of them seriously suffered mentally and from their addictions. They did say, he talked about us often.  It was difficult to watch. We learned that some of these folks had, at one time, had come from good homes. Some were well educated and talented. I learned they  are provided phones and other resources by family and friends, who have not abandoned them completely, but don’t know what else to do for them. There was among this older group, one young man, who is probably not unlike BAC was at one time and it saddened my heart to see and wonder where he would end up. It was sad all the way around in so many ways.

BAC died peacefully I hear.  He got up one day and sat down at the table and that was it.  He died where he sat.

My daughter said, she believed it started when his father died while he was still in high school.  He never got over it. I think people are more aware of the impact of traumatic events these days, but perhaps not so much then. No two people suffer the same and for some, it is deeply hidden and surfaces subtly.

His high school jock friends turned out. They went to college and he went to drugs, but they were there anyway.  Some were childhood friends and others he’d grown up with later and they came.  Two of his friends went out on their boards to deposit his ashes.  None of his homeless friends except for his wife, would walk that far (one block) to the beach for his send off.  For me, it was so evident who his true friends were.

 

When his friend had paddled the required 1/4 mile to deposit the ashes, he said that once the ashes got wet, they felt like 50 pounds on his back.  The sea was not in his favor and he returned exhausted.  That’s friendship.

Bret sendoff

 

Talk to Me Please

It comes down to priorities.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I was just telling my 80 year old neighbor who walks with me and my dog daily how I have become the person I pitied many years ago when I was still tremendously mobile.

She is nine years my senior and I must go slowly as her feet give her trouble. My feet are fine, however.

Now my hip twitches from an old skiing accident I got when I boldly and stupidly took the slalom training course the young kids were running, which had, because of their intense use was now slick ice, which turned out to be a mistake.  I realized my mistake going into the second turn. Needless to say, I fell hard and had to be carted off by the ski patrol on a snow mobile.

At first, I thought my ski pole had not only broken but had also gone straight through my chest.  My face had slammed the slope hard.  I slowly sat up and checked to see if blood was running down or a ski pole had indeed gone through me.  It hadn’t.  No matter, I was seeing tweety birds circling my head and I was in pain.  Something certainly had broken.

As I waited for my rescue, I methodically checked each limb.  Sore but nothing appeared to be broken, but I’m no doctor.  A part of me was disappointed.

Yes, you read right.  Ever since I was a kid, other classmates had broken something.  An arm, a leg, foot, a finger and were getting all sorts of attention, not to mention the signatures on their casts.  Not me.  I’m as solid as they come, which I now appreciate.

casts

Buuuut, some attention would have been nice.  Be careful of what you wish for.  Little did I know…

I did, but not the kind I’d hoped for. At the time, I was working for this FM radio station in Colorado (I will not name the city, since there is only one golf shop there).  As an account rep,  my job was to get businesses to buy radio advertising.

As it was, I was black and blue with cuts and bruises over my  body, some on my face and a major black eye, actually that whole side was swollen and black and blue.  Not that unusual actually when you live in a place where people are actively engaged in dangerous sports and sometimes do get hurt. I did my makeup wizardry and off to work I go.

One of my accounts was this golf shop.  As I walked in, the owner , a very good looking, well built guy, was brazenly fooling around with his secretary/sales girl and had his hand down  her pants. Being as it was on the other side of the counter, I ,of course didn’t realize it until I was right on them.  He slips his hand out and turns to me, unabashed.  Yup! Out there in front of God and right smack dab in front of me!  That’s the kind of person he was.

Weeell, I was of course rattled but went into my pitch, pretending I hadn’t seen anything while he kept staring at my face.  Finally, he said, “What happened?  Your hubby catch you cheating on him?”

I responded with the truth,  but he acted like he didn’t believe me, doing his best to make me feel like the person he was. Sadly, I’m not one of those with a quick wit because there were a thousand other things I could’ve said and didn’t. I also probably should have just turned around and left, period, but like I said spontaneous quick thinking is not in my repertoire. I did turn around and leave but not before he got in a few more jabs.  Needless to say,  I gave the account to someone else and eventually quit altogether.

Some jobs, no matter the money are just not worth the abuse you may receive.  Nowadays, due to the “Me Too” movement, it doesn’t happen as often, but I’m afraid it probably still does, somewhere.

Not everyone reports, because it’s just not worth the energy expended to do anything about.  I know there are people who say I should pursue it, but it’s been nearly 20 years ago and way after the fact. Some might think if not for me but for everyone else and yes, that’s true, but I’m guessing at my age, now plus 70,  Why?

If I live to be my parents age, I may have only 10 to 16 years left, so time is precious.  Am I wrong to feel that way? I’d rather spend it with my kids.

Okay, I’d not intended to take this blog in the direction it went, but maybe it needed saying and maybe in saying it, I actually did get involved.

As time goes by, I have to mete out my energy selectively.  I still work out with a trainer and I eat horribly (not really), I have a cigarette now and then (don’t judge), only so I can stand being around hubby when he gets into a smoking jag.  (Stress at work)  So glad it’s not all the time.  But overall, I take pretty good care of myself.

I have learned that if I eat too many sweets or drink alcohol, I swell up like a balloon and my joints hurt, so after the holidays I find parts of me need to be salvaged.  The good thing is, I know what to do.   I didn’t always.

The truth is, I hit on it accidentally.  After one holiday 5-6 years ago, I was hobbling around, hunched over like an old lady and in so much pain I couldn’t straighten myself up.  I could not even stand up straight!!  The ol’ grey mare just ain’t what she used to be! I once could eat and drink anything and everything and not gain an ounce or have it affect my body adversely, but those days are so gone.

So what to do?  I thought about it and asked myself what was different?  It was the holidays.  Where I worked, everyone brought treats and goodies everyday for the last two months of the year and going into New Years. They were party animals and I was enjoying each and every morsel I could pop in my mouth! That is so how it was.

buffet 3

Sooo, I said, “Self.  What are you going to do about it?”

Well, I could have gone to the doctors and picked up some meds. That’s what most people tend to do.  Cover up the problem.  I’d already been told I was pre-diabetic and on the cusp of becoming diabetic and my cholesterol was on the high side but not dangerous. But I really didn’t want to rely on meds to get and feel well.  It meant I was going to have to be pro active.

Sugars are inflammatory, that I knew.  Alcohol, and caffeine were also inflammatory.  I’d heard the nurses often enough tell young women with breast sensitivity to first eliminate caffeine from their diet.

At the time, I was proud of the fact that for my age, I was not on any prescription meds, so it was my goal to keep it that way.  So, in as much pain as I was in, not to mention the pounds I’d put on, I went cold turkey and cut all the above culprits out of my life.

The first to show results was the pain in my back and legs due to swelling began to subside.  Little by little, I was able to stand erect once again, eventually I saw a loss of  weight.

As for keeping off meds, even with my workouts, I’ve finally had to give in to the only one I take – for cholesterol.  That’s it.  I still suffer now and then, but I know what to do and it has never gotten so debilitating.  I sort of wish I could go Vegan or pseudo vegan, but it’s not gonna happen.

As my son would say, “I want meat!”

I don’t have to have it all the time, but now and then.  You know I did write that article about chicken… That’s still on the table, but it is my least favorite. I do like fish though.

Has anyone else found themselves in my shoes?  Having to pick their battles regarding food, time and other life choices or am I the only one?

BTW, I would never attempt that run again even though I’d sure like to go skiing again someday.

The Greatest Fight In All The World / A Post About Meaning…

I found this truly inspirational and… remember the fight. Thanks James!! Don’t forget to check out his blog and music links.

JamesRadcliffe.com

[Note:  The story that follows is, in part, about a boxing match.  Now I don’t know how you feel about boxing.  You may love it, or you may feel that it is the height of senseless brutality.  I can see both viewpoints.  But this article is not *only* about boxing so, however you feel, read until the end and I promise you a payoff, ok? Good.]

Will I tell you about the greatest boxing match in the history of all the world?

On the 30th of October, 1974 in Kinshasha, Zaire, Mohammad Ali faced off against the most terrifying force boxing had ever seen.  George Foreman was a destroyer of men.  A taker of souls.  Powerful, ferocious, and skilled in equal measure.  To be hit by George Foreman was to be run over by a tank.

Fighters did not get back up.

No one thought Ali could win.  No one. …

View original post 1,555 more words

The Ladies of Burlesque

Queen Bees

Sometimes I wonder what it is that makes anyone, male or female want to take their clothes off in front of others. I’ve given it some thought, but no way in hell would I do it.  Now, if I were ten years younger and had a rockin’ body…?  Well… Uh, No!  At least I don’t think so.

In a way, I wish I could be so bold but I never was or have been.  Heck! I wanted to try out for cheerleader in high school but when it came to my turn, I looked out at the crowd and high tailed it out of there.  I never regretted anything more in my life. Now if you asked me to rock climb or slide down a mountain on ice with only an ice ax to break my fall, well that’s different and I’ve done that. I ran a half marathos and won a cycling race in my age category, I’ve done a century ride (100 miles in a day), climbed mountain peaks… well, you’ve read my stories.  Oh, and I’m scheduled to go sky diving soon, weather permitting, but that’s different.

I’m sure there’s a psychological explanation for that.

Queen Bee’s is a small theater in the North Park area, in San Diego. I went to a Burlesque show and last night I witnessed the most tremendous array of bodies in all sizes, shapes, ages and… ethnicity do just that.  They were simply amazing.  I was in fact impressed and jealous that these women had the guts to do what they did and they did so with gusto and grace.

Backstory:  This was my second time attending and I was sooooo reluctant to go the first time and found so many excuses not to attend again from there on.  Truly.

I – DID – NOT – WANT – TO – GO!!!

But, my sister, who is in the show, insisted.  My hub, said “No way,  I don’t want to see your sister naked!  You go, if you want to!”

I didn’t “want to” but, when Sherene said, “I don’t have anyone in my family I can share this with, except Brian…”  Brian, her husband goes to all of her shows.  Well, once her son J.C. went, but not to see her, but because a friend of his was in the show and invited him. Otherwise, oooh, ick no way!

For my across the globe, across the country, conservative friends, hang on. <Big Smile>

I totally get it.

I also get and would so much like to have someone I could share my screenwriting with, someone that actually gets it and won’t get all hot and bothered when I kill someone off or get upset that a sympathetic character dies or  heaven forbid has sex, or whatever.  My writer sister didn’t want anyone to die, have sex or use “swear” words,  she writes for children so her mind thinks only “G” material and not of the string variety.  I let her read my work once and she “G’d’ it immediately.  What? I’m supposed to use marshmallow guns?  No one dies?  I explained to her that it’s called  an “inciting incident” and a necessary “evil” is a must.  No, no she cried.  That’s not you!   That was the end of that.

Even though, Sherene can’t reciprocate, I do understand the importance of family support.

So, off I go…

I pick Brian up, because he’d had hip surgery and couldn’t drive, but we’re early, so we grab a bite to eat in an old timey diner next to the theater.  Yummy onion rings.

 

We wait in line for the doors to open and once in, I get a gin and tonic and sit in my seat facing forward wondering what in the hell I’m doing there.  I text my husband and ask him “it’s party time, except for me. I feel like such a stick in the mud!  When did I get so old?”, I ask.  He responds, “Sorry, Me too.”  I turn to Brian.

Brian is busy talking to some lady across the aisle from him and it’s loud and I am so unconnected.  A bunch of rowdy women seated behind me catch my eye and ask me if I had someone in the show.

“My sister”, I replied.

“Our Zumba instructor”, they said.  They’d never been and were giggling like school girls. We made friends and suddenly I find myself forced into having a good time.

The Emcee (is that what she’s called?) is a voluptuous redhead with ivory skin in a black corset and silver pointy nails. She never strips.

Burkesque queen

She announces that these girls have been working very hard and are pretty much all beginners and her expectations of the audience was for tear down the wall cheers and clapping.  She  said the audience were all invitees, family and friends of the performers with the exception (she jokingly says) of possibly a “perv” or two in the mix who might have snuck in. “You know who you are”.  Everyone of course laughs.  It was then, I realize she is right.  These were all family and friends of those who would be performing.  A non hostile crowd.  Hmmmm

This is not the strip joint type crowd. It was a small but humble theater. There are two young men sitting in front of me, perhaps in their mid thirties. One had a green Mohawk, but he was well dressed and clean cut looking otherwise. Green though? he was a looker too, quite handsome.  The other young man seemed to be more conservative and equally good looking.  A young lady sits between them, but it appears they are all together.  The crowd was mostly well dressed people and some more so, like they were attending a gala.  There were young (over twenty one because everyone was carded) and old alike. All were quite friendly. In fact, I gathered many were of the artsy types,  so why am I being a snob?  I got over it.

When the show began, it started with two solo routines with rather large women. The women came in all sizes  (boobs and bodies), ages (my sister is in her 60’s) and what surprised me,  varied ethnicity.  I was slightly embarrassed for them (?), not sure, but they were fantastic. There were routines with and without clothes, like hip hop, one with bare minimum, which was a shocker and a ballet spoof at the end. There were young ladies who were extremely fit and more experienced and poised and then there were the moms.  With bodies like any one of us. They obviously had to be fit to do the routines they did, splits, twirls and kicks plus dance but they jiggled in the usual places they might not have when they were young, yet fit.

One especially large gal, strutted her stuff and made sexy moves like she was flirting with her man and him alone.  She went through the whole song, fully dressed and put out more sexuality than most women would scantily dressed.  She smiled and flirted and shook her booty, until the very last. And then, in the last few seconds, she took it off to briefly show her stuff and the crowd roared!!!  I laughed so hard and cheered ……………..  Way to go girl!!!

 

Bees cast 1

They jiggled and they jogged and gave it their all.  Throughout, I watched the conservative young man in front of me, who never yelled but would nod his approval and on occasion stood up and clapped at the exquisite routines, especially of the big gals.  It wasn’t like he knew them but more like he admired them for having the chutzpah to get up there and be proud.

My brother in law Brian, leans into me and said it’s “woman empowerment”.

 

Yes, I could see that.  It wasn’t about showing off your body so much as, this is my body and I’m okay with it!

Pictures were not allowed of the performances, but we did get a group with their teachers. The man in the middle, teaches hip hop and his wife the rest.

Bee's cast

I still can’t figure how they get those “things” to jiggle like they do?

Do they sell that stuff at WalMart?

 

Sherene and I

I’ve had a cold and it sorta shows here. Lookin’ tired. It was way past my bedtime.