When I was a teen, I was hit on by a married man. He was a guy I’d known in school ( a senior- I was a freshman) and I’d always had a tremendous crush on him. We hadn’t seen each other in several years. I’d moved away and forgotten about him.
Suddenly, I find him when I’d gotten a job at the same place. Needless to say, when he showed interest in me, I fell seriously hard. I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS MARRIED, nor did I even consider he would be since I’d just graduated and very few of my friends had yet married. It turns out he got this girl pregnant and married her. We only had one “date” before someone at work saw us together and told me. I did not go out with him again. A choice.
So you have to consider, on occasion there is the unknowing OW (other woman). I also know that sometimes there are men (and women) who lead two lives and there can be an “innocent” OW or OM out there somewhere.
Since I met many men as a flight attendant, I had to be smart in how I dealt with a male pax (passenger), especially since I saw many of them as frequent flyers and yes, I went out with a few. I was single. Still, I wouldn’t knowingly sleep with a married man.
The stews and I got real good at checking out the indentation of a recently removed ring. Did they think we were idiots? Of course, not all men wear rings, so even that was no guarantee.
Above are the various uniforms of the airline i worked for. I wore the third one from the left.
If it turned out the man I was out with was married (and some would say “separated”), I had and would give him my set of favorite lines and questions that would stop them in their tracks. The first was “I don’t use birth control” (that was the best because it usually took the wind out of their sails, if you get my meaning.) and finally “Will you leave your wife and marry me?”, not that I was encouraging that but it lets him know Where I stood. So then I followed it with, “I want a serious relationship with a future.”
Then there were fellow crew. Since we would often go out with fellow crew members after a flight, it wasn’t unusual to find oneself getting comfortable with someone you hadn’t oughta, id take a step back and… same thing, I’d resort to “the lines”. It worked most of the time, although I did have one guy say he was sterile, so I had to follow it up with the “would you leave your wife and marry me?”, which got him. LOL
The above, I will admit were only necessary when the chemistry was too right and it helped me to squelch the fire with the other party. For most, it didn’t matter anyway, I think for some, they thought it part of the job description so they were glad to be off the hook and we could continue having a good time on trips together with no expectations. Just friendship.
It became apparent with all the sites I discovered online that despite todays free thinking, and woke mentality, not everything goes. Fidelity is still a major concern. People still hate being cheated on. Cheating still hurts.
Yes, being true to another human being is still important.
I’ve heard of stumbles and falls and one time only’s but an OW in my day was regarded as one with little self esteem/respect, conscience or both. To continue in a generally go nowhere relationship tends to hurt one partner more than the other. I’ve talked to people who don’t feel that way. They believe as long as two or more people consent, it can work. Huh!
Well, I’ve met polyamorous couples who did get hurt.
There was another woman in my life. My OW ended up with my man after each of them divorced their respective mates, that marriage lasted a few years until he cheated on her later. In my opinion, it was to be expected and I predicted it would be so. Sure, I was angry and it may have possibly been wishful thinking at the time, but it happened.
Angrily I said, “what you did to me, one of you will do to the other” and they did.
I could leave you with that, but the truth is, we’re all human.
This is when reliance on God comes into the equation.
If you have no faith as mine can tend to waiver at times, perhaps it’s time then to draw on what we knew before we became jaded by the things of this world. Go back to what you once believed. There is strength in doing so and coupled with prayer, it can be done. There are different levels of faith and if yours doesn’t sustain you then apply “the golden rule”.
If your relationship is that bad…
I believe there are legitimate reasons for a dissolution and not everyone has the same set of circumstances. I’ve known people who cheated out of desperation, feeling that it was the only way the other party would set them free. However, before you contemplate such a drastic measure as to cheat, Communicate. If you can and if that seems formidable, there are counselors and pastors/priests that can intercede.
There is help if you need it.
Just thinking out loud.