Don’t Judge a Book by it’s Cover

I was just watching a video clip of a young man and girl on you tube.  It was the typical, Simon Cowle makes a face or tweaks his mouth in reservation, judging them.  If you look at the faces in the audience, you see they too have made a determination about this couple.

Case in point.  You have to see this.

You see what I mean?

Later, we see this:


We, as people make snap judgments on everything we see or hear.  We often times don’t wait to get the full picture. I do it all the time and I generally hate myself for it afterward.

We are often hardest on one another. Judging. Always judging.

If someone walks out of the john with toilet paper trailing behind them, we tend to snicker or let it be, we do nothing to rescue them. Mind you, I didn’t let that pass, but did notice many who did.

If someone looks different, smells different, is fat, has too many tats, hair too long, varied in color or they look tattered, dirty or perhaps their mascara or lipstick is smeared or worse yet there’s a good looking guy with a big booger in his nose. What do we do? Do we tend to turn away and think, yuck!?

At that moment when the young woman came out of the ladies room trailing tissue, I ran up to her from behind and blocked the view as best I could and tapped her on the shoulder and said, “Stop! You are trailing tissue and your skirt is up!” Though embarrassed, she hadn’t gone far and was so very grateful. I had rescued her.

I remember feeling like a hero. The thing of it is, she was a large girl with poor posture and sadly dressed. She had all the makings of a joke, the kid in school that everyone would make fun of, yet something inside me didn’t hesitate.  I’m sure she may even have had the same level of confidence of Jonathan.

Yeah, yeah. While it may appear I pat myself on the back, I don’t.

There have been times, I would have wanted someone to tell me if something was askew, instead of me finding out hours later. There have been many a time I was not the rescuer.

I’m sure we all recall moments in time where we fell short.

Like the young kids above, sometimes people need “rescuing” in different ways. Sometimes, they just need a helping hand.

The story above is a lesson to us all and in many ways. On the surface it’s one of friendship and loyalty true, but it’s more than even that. At least to me it is.

At first he’d been judged and then she was judged.

Sometimes I think in rescuing others, we rescue ourselves. In the end they went their separate ways amicably two years later. For a time though they needed that bond they found in each other to give them each the lift needed to work independently. He had time for the stigma of his size to pass.  As Jonathan and Charlotte’s confidence level improved, they were both finally free to explore their talent, each in their own way. Both are doing extremely well on their own now. 

Sometimes, if you see a friend in need, or if someone reaches out, it doesn’t have to be forever but only for a time. You never know what impact you might make on someone’s life, but especially your own for having been there.

I once had someone tell me that the good deed doers are in it for themselves, for how it makes them feel to do it. Perhaps. I can’t deny, it does feel good to help someone but what harm is there in that?

As for the booger.

It was me who didn’t tell the good looking guy he had a booger in his nose.

We were in high school. Granted he’d been surfing earlier and water tends to do that, but I thought he should know that. I remember him flirting and smiling and I wouldn’t give him the time of day. All I saw was the booger. Besides that, it seemed that all he ever did or cared about was surfing. Out of high school, he went on to be a fireman. It turns out he wasn’t a loser. While fighting fires, he got a contractors license and built some very nice homes in California. Later he would move to Hawaii with his wife, a former cheerleader which surprised everyone and went on to build multi million dollar homes there.  At our class reunion, he told my husband how he’d always thought I was so hot and how I wouldn’t give him ‘the time of day’! Yeah, that was me.

My husband and I have a word for that. “Idiot”

As I said, don’t judge a book by it’s cover.  You will almost always be surprised.

Yes, I Can!

So then I get this letter from my sister Di in Florida this morning and it too had information to move me forward.

Inspired by a visit she had with a dear friend.

“I had brunch Saturday with — and we did some catching up.   You know how we can get to feeling sorry for ourselves, then we hear (see) what someone else is going through and we have to stop ourselves and thank God for what we have?   Well, it was one of those visits.   I remembered that she wears me out, but had forgotten the why.   She is brilliant, she has a PhD and is a very attractive woman.   She has so many great ideas and a bit like us with so many  interests and so many things we would like to do.   However, her problem isn’t her childhood insecurities that we battle.    She and her daughter had been attacked in their home …, about 15 years ago and the attacker beat her on the head.   She suffered some brain damage …  This is the part that wears me out, when we visit for more than a few minutes and get into deeper conversation she zones out for a minute or two and I just have to wait until she is able to collect her thoughts.   This goes on over and over and over.   If it is a short conversation you would never notice, but longer conversations is another matter.   As she ages, as we both now know, this type of injury will take a greater toll.”

We do know having cared for and seen the decline of our mother who had Alzheimer’s and know the progression and damage of beatings previously incurred.  So I couldn’t help but feel empathy for my sister’s dear friend.
What encouraged me about the letter though was that we all have dreams. Some will come to fruition, some not.

Everyone has battles, some greater than others. But the question is what are we going to do to rise above them, to move forward and not give up?


I have another sister, Sandy. She’s as poor as a church mouse. She also doesn’t have the mental capacity of others. She’s not stupid, it’s just that…not all her cogs are aligned right. (There was no diagnosis when we were kids but it is a mild autism or what they now refer to as Asperger’s syndrome) Like Di’s friend, you might not notice it short term, but it becomes apparent after a bit.

My point in referencing her is that she is motivated and when she sets her mind on something she goes at it tooth and nail.

When her son was being accused of the sexual molestation of his two children, she wrote a book (it was a retaliatory divorce that got way out of hand). And, although the story is not done, it appears it will get thrown out of court. In the meantime, what a hellacious experience.

BoboIn my sisters pain, she wrote two stories. One, about coercion and encouraging children to tell the truth and doing what’s right, no matter what, even if it’s painful to them or to others.

She even made a doll to go with the story.  Bobo is the child’s advocate.

Despite her in-capacities she has bull- dozed her way into getting noticed and managed to get interest in the books and is in the process of getting her Bobo doll patented and stories copyrighted. ( I may have to delete this if I find she’s not okay with me releasing information about her work yet) I do believe her books are on Amazon though.

My question is IF she can do it then what excuse have you or I got?!!

I hear people making excuses for their lack of success, blaming others for why they didn’t catch the breaks!  Have you ever been around someone like that?  And… it’s always the rich guy who’s at fault!  He’s the guy who has succeeded, making it look relatively easy yet busted his butt to get where he’s at but unseen to the complainers eye. If you ever watched Donald Trump’s daughter on “The Apprentice”, you know what I mean.

Sure there are trust-funders that seem to have it made and some will make it, but like everyone else, others won’t. Trust me, it’s not a bed of roses for them either, I’ve known a few. I had a friend and although she “had it made”  a requirement to receiving money was proving herself in order to inherit. She had X number of years to do it too. She was quite the hustler. She worked hard and played harder.

My point is always, “How bad do you want it?”  Really.

In fact that’s a question I must ask myself daily and when I say “bad”, then it’s time to get back to work!